


What defines a good person

by crazed_peanut



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cheating, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Getting Together, M/M, Multi, Smut, Trust Issues, University AU, same age dan and phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 01:11:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6590596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazed_peanut/pseuds/crazed_peanut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil are university students and meet at a party. Dan has a boyfriend, but him and Phil still let things happen between them.</p><p>Alternatively, The one where Dan is a cheater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! Hope you enjoy!  
> The events and characters in this story are a figment of my imagination.  
> 

Great, Phil thought, trapped in a house with a bunch of freshmen. He’d helped Jane setting up the whole thing and then she’d guilt tripped him into staying. He needed more alcohol in his system to enjoy this. The whole room was filled with scared, not-quite-sure-what-to-to, unconfident boys and girls and they all bored Phil to death, so much so that he let out an audible sigh and wasn’t even bothered to check if anyone noticed.  

He went out into the garden to enjoy the surprisingly warm autumn night and forced himself to chat with the people there. Some of them were even tolerable, Phil noted with surprise. He couldn’t tell if that was the result of the booze affecting _them_ , or _himself_.

A couple of drinks and an undetermined time later, he needed the bathroom. He made his way to the en suite of Jane’s parents’ bedroom, fairly certain no one had found it yet. He opened the door and… well, he’d underestimated at least one person, one tall and brunette person, who was washing his hands. Startled, Phil was quick to apologize.

“That’s okay” the other boy answered unbothered “I’m just finishing up anyway.”

It felt awkward just standing behind the guy at the doorway, so Phil spoke:

“You don’t look like a freshman.”

“That’s because I’m not. I got dragged along.”

“By whom?”

“My boyfriend.”

“Oh.” Phil hoped the disappointment wasn’t too evident in his tone. The guy was now done and had turned around, but he didn’t give any indication he wanted to get out. Instead he was leaning on the sink and tapping at it with his (long and slim Phil noted) fingers.

“You’re not a freshman either, so why are you here?”

“What?” Phil was drunk and distracted. The guy smiled at him and a dimple appeared. “Oh, sorry, I helped Jane organize the thing.” He slurred his words.

There was a moment of silence.

“Alright. I’m Dan by the way, but Jane doesn’t know me, you should ask for my boyfriend, Thomas.”

“Why would I do that?” Phil was a little bit confused and it didn’t help that he was focusing more on the man’s effortless attractiveness than on what he was saying.

“No reason at all.” Dan answered and as his lips curved more, his dimple became more prominent. “Aren’t you going to tell me what your name is?”

“Phil.”

“Right then, Phil, see you around.” With this Dan left the room and Phil decided it was high time to stop drinking and leave this party.

*

A couple of days passed before Phil let his mind wander back to the unexpected bathroom meeting. But once it did, that was it. That goddamn dimple stuck in his mind, as did Dan’s ridiculously delicious looking lips. Phil didn’t even realize he’d noticed them, but now all he did was fantasize about them red and stretched out around him.

He decided he wanted to meet Dan again, so he rang Jane up.

“Hi, Phil what’s up?” Jane’s voice was high pitched and sweet.

“Nothing much, with you?”

“Just finishing with some research for a paper. Did you need anything?”

“Yeah, actually, I was wondering about Thomas? He was at your party, a first year.” That was a wild guess on Phil’s side, but Dan did say he got dragged along and Jane had thrown the party for the freshmen.

“Yes, I know him. We met at orientation. Sweet guy, shy, has a boyfriend though.”

“I’m aware, I met him too.” Okay, well, he met _just_ him, but that was irrelevant. ”So I was wondering if you’d be up to getting together with them, like a double date or something.”

“That’s a strange request” Jane laughed. Phil didn’t want to tell her much more yet, but he was sure she’d indulge him. “Why not, I guess, the boy does need some more friends, being new here and all.”

“Thanks. I’m free Thursday night.”

“I’ll text you the details.”

“I owe you one.”

“You owe me an explanation.” Jane said and Phil knew she was grinning on the other side of the line. She left it at that though and he was thankful.

*

At the restaurant Phil sat opposite Dan, although he wasn’t sure what he wanted to happen. The conversation flowed easily, Dan and his boyfriend had a good sense of humor and Jane was naturally relaxed in social situations. Whenever there was an awkward pause, Dan immediately found a new topic and transitioned into it flawlessly. He seemed now, as he did that night in the bathroom, completely aware that he dictated the energy in the room and almost full of himself for it.  Phil had always liked the challenge of a bossy bottom.

 Thomas turned to Phil and Jane and without any tact whatsoever asked them “So are you two together?”

Phil noticed Dan holding back a laugh before scolding his boyfriend. “That’s not very polite, Thomas.”

“Sorry, just curious.” He did seem like the kind of person who’d say “sorry” a lot, which from what Phil had gathered about Dan, made their relationship all the more strange.

 Phil laughed and as Jane explained away, Dan-entirely uninterested, brushed his leg against Phil’s under the table. Phil was startled for all of a second and his leg twitched at the unexpected contact and maybe Dan noticed, but neither moved away. He looked at Thomas, who was too lost in the story of how he’d met Jane, and then back at Dan, whose expression hadn’t changed, just now he was glancing at Phil under his eyelashes.

Phil excused himself from the table and headed for the restroom. There he locked himself in one of the stalls to think for two seconds. So he hadn’t been imagining it, Dan really came onto him at the party. Okay, what was he going to do? He needed a plan. Surely Dan didn’t expect him to make a move. After all, Phil wasn’t the one with a boyf…

The opening of the restroom door cut his thought process short. Without having actually went to the toilet, he flushed the water. Stepping out of the door he came face to face with Dan, which didn’t surprise him all that much, but he played along anyway.

“Dan, you startled me.”

“I doubt that.” Dan said and his lips formed a malicious smile. He made a step towards Phil, who for a split second thought he should take one back (that was his rational mind coming into play, which he ignored completely), but stayed still. Dan was close enough to feel Phil’s breath on his face by now. Phil panicked for a second, but Dan didn’t kiss him right away, instead said:

“You should invite me to your place sometimes.” His hand was now up to Phil’s collar and was tugging at it playfully.

“Come over sometimes.” It wasn’t an order, but it wasn’t a question either. Dan smirked and took another step towards Phil, which effectively eliminated any distance between their bodies. Phil instinctively looked over to the door.

“I locked it.” God, did anything ever escape Dan’s notice?

“Good thinking.”

They both moved at the same time to close the gap between them and their lips collided. Any decent person on Phil’s place would have felt guilty, wouldn’t have even let it get this far. The man he was kissing had a boyfriend, who was no more than 50 feet away right now oblivious. Should Phil feel bad for Thomas? Sure, he was attractive and intelligent, but pretty boring and subdued and he didn’t seem at all like a challenge for Dan. Why was he trying to make up excuses for himself? He’s the outsider in the relationship and if Dan wanted to cheat, it was his business.

They pulled away quickly after that, and it wasn’t even a make out session, but Phil’s lips were tingling, and so were his fingertips, still gripping Dan’s waist. Dan had just teased him with this almost chaste kiss, had given him a taste, a promise for something more.

 “Give me your number.” Phil demanded as they were regaining their composure.

“Bad idea. I’ll give you my Facebook instead, way easier to reach me there. It’s Dan Howell.”

Phil nodded and they walked back to their table.

“Long line.” Dan remarked and leaned to peck Thomas’ lips completely unfazed by what had just occurred between him and Phil. Phil would probably be intimidated by Dan’s ability to keep his cool, was he not being weirdly turned on by it.

After dinner the four exchanged well wished and promises to meet again and Dan and Thomas went on their way. Phil found himself more nervous for having to explain himself to Jane than for whatever had happened at dinner. She’d looked at him suspiciously when he and Dan had come back from the restrooms.

“Do I get to hear the whole story now?” Jane sure didn’t dance around the topic too much. “Come on, Phil, that Thomas boy may be clueless, but I’m not an idiot. Dan practically eye fucked you the whole night.”

“I know you’re not, and I didn’t want to lie to you, but I wasn’t sure what was happening myself.”

So Phil told her how he’d met Dan (and that he actually had no clue who Thomas was) and what had happened in the restaurant restrooms.

“Phil… you’re not actually thinking of going through with this, are you? He’s in a relationship.”

“Not my problem.” Phil had actually just said that and believed it. “He’s a grown man, Jane, he can do whatever he wants.”

“I sure hope you know what you’re getting yourself into, Phil.” It was half an accusation, half concern.

“I’ll be careful.”

*

When Phil found Dan’s Facebook page, he didn’t bother sending him a friend request. He really didn’t need to know more about him, not from a bunch of pixelated posts on the internet anyway.

_How about Sunday around 8 at mine?_

_Make it 9. Where’s yours?_

Phil gave him the address and relaxed in his chair. It felt good not having to polite chit chat to get to the point. He’d expected that much- Dan seemed like he always knew what he wanted and how to get it. It was a rare quality which Phil didn't mind.

*

8 pm had rolled around on Sunday and Phil thought if he wanted to be mildly buzzed by the time Dan got there, he’d have to start drinking now. But he didn’t. Whatever was going to happen, Phil wanted to be fully aware and alert, and his judgement uncorrupted. The only thing alcohol was going to be good for was drowning the minor nerves Phil had, but he’d missed them and was enjoying them. It wasn’t the first time he was going to sleep with someone else’s boyfriend. He knew exactly how the situation was going to play out- Dan would come to his place, they’ll have their fun, letting the thrill of the affair drive them. Then he’d go as quickly as he’d come-back to his partner and problems. Phil got the better part of it- good sex, no commitment, no betrayed significant other. 

Dan showed up at 9:02 in a simple grey T-shirt, jacket and skinnies. Phil invited him in and offered him a drink, which Dan politely declined. It should have been silly, that they’re both grown men drinking water, but Dan didn’t seem to care, and neither did Phil.

They talked about whatever for a short while and actually found out they have a lot of common interests, but Dan seemed eager. He’d sat close to Phil on the couch and his hands were drawing little circles higher and higher on Phil’s thighs. Soon the touches transformed into squeezes and words into kisses, then into biting. The heat that built up between their bodies filled the room and Phil’s senses heightened as the air got thick with anticipation.   

Dan pushed him down and hovered above him, pressing just his lower torso against Phil’s, enough for Phil to feel Dan’s member against his thigh. With one hand pinned above his head and generally unable to move, Phil relaxed into Dan’s touch. He was aware of how quickly Dan took off both of their shirts and moved to unzipping his jeans. He was staring at Dan’s naked chest, because God he was sexy. His arousal was amplified by how confidently the other man moved, how his hand didn’t even twitch with nervousness, the same hand which was now being wrapped around his cock. Phil was bucking into Dan’s palm and breathing heavily against his lips.

Dan’s voice snapped Phil back to reality. “Want to show us to your bedroom?”

He nodded and let out a desperate moan when he felt the grip loosening around him. He led the way, now completely naked and a little self-conscious, and could hear Dan stripping out of his clothes behind him. He turned around and in the darkness of his bedroom managed to distinguish just the outlines of Dan’s body in the split second before he was pushed on the bed and felt Dan’s hot mouth working its way up his inner thigh. Phil wasn’t loud usually, but at the first flick of Dan’s tongue over his slit, he gasped audibly, which made Dan smirk around him. Phil had missed the warmth of someone’s mouth on him and let that sensation overtake him completely. He felt fingers trail from his hips to his stomach, finally landing on his nipples and his whole body melted under them.

Dan lifted his head up long enough to ask Phil “God, how do you produce such whorish noises?”   

“You have your pretty lips wrapped around my cock, did you expect otherwise?”

The end of that sentence drowned in Phil’s own moans as he thrust his hips forward, hitting the back on Dan’s (greedy) throat, who hummed around him without effort, out of pure enjoyment. Dan was then tracing his whole length with his tongue, stopping to play with his tip and suck at it. Phil opened his eyes and looked down at Dan- cheeks flushed, hair messy, cock disappearing into his mouth and he felt a surge of pleasure rush through his body, threatening to form itself into an orgasm, so he reached down and pushed Dan away.

His lips were swollen and puffy, his voice raspy when he spoke “Wanna watch me stretch myself open for you?”

“No, I want to do it myself, wanna be inside you so bad.” Phil reached to the nightstand to fish out a condom and lube and tried to push Dan off him. He was slightly confused when Dan didn’t move.

“Let me ride you.” Oh.

 Dan was tight and hot, first around Phil’s fingers and then finally, around his erection. Everything stood still the first moment Dan lowered himself on Phil and the initial little spasms, the tightness around his member were making him dizzy. Dan was gorgeous like this- hands propped on Phil’s chest for support, bouncing up and down, drawing circles with his hips, deliberate in every small movement and Phil was beside himself.

He finally flipped them, so Dan was lying beneath him and Phil started fucking into him in earnest, obscene sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the room. He bottomed out with every thrust now and the softness of Dan’s walls, even through the condom, was overwhelming him. His arms became weak as he rode out his orgasm, and in his post-orgasmic state he shifted his eyes between Dan’s face and his hand working on himself. Phil let himself get soft inside Dan, who, after a few skillful bites along his neck, came all over his chest.

It wasn’t the best sex either of them had ever had. A few times body parts awkwardly bumped into each other and maybe Dan pulled Phil’s hair a little bit rougher than he’d have liked. But it was dirty, new and exciting and God, Phil had missed all of this.

They shared a few blissful minutes of silence before Dan stood up and started to dress himself.

“You can take a shower here if you want.” Phil suggested.

“No, thanks, I’d rather do that at home. Besides, I promised Thomas I’d stay with him tonight and I need to pick up some things first.” Dan explained simply.

Phil should have winced at the mention of Thomas. The boyfriend of the guy he just fucked. He didn’t. He followed Dan to the door.

“I’m free on Friday.” Dan stated matter-of-factly.

“Can’t. Have to stay at the library.”

“I’ll come visit you there then. Around 6.”

“Okay.”

“For future reference, I don’t break that easily.”

Phil didn’t feel he had to answer that, he just made a mental note of it and Dan was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

Phil was trying hard to concentrate on the research he was doing. Honestly, he was, but he just kept glancing to his phone, as if by looking at it he’d make 6pm come faster. It was 6:30 however when a messenger notification with Dan’s name on it popped up on his screen. Phil all but ran to the place where Dan was waiting for him. He realized he looked ridiculous and maybe a bit desperate, so he stopped to regain composure. Turning the corner then, he saw Dan leaning against a wall casually and scrolling on his phone.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Phil. Come on, I know a place.”

“Mind filling me in on your plans?” Phil didn’t like surprises all that much, especially not when it came to sex.

“Gonna blow you if that’s okay.”

If Phil wasn’t so damn busy being turned on, he would feel embarrassed that they were about to do this in such a public place. Something in Dan though made him lose his common sense and he didn’t even blush. He followed Dan to a deserted basement toilet stall and it quickly became apparent he was the impatient one this time. He pinned Dan’s body to the wall and explored his mouth hungrily. Soon Dan dropped to his knees and began tracing Phil’s length with his tongue. Phil couldn’t help but think that the boy was ten times sexier in the light, when he could see all of him. He dropped a hand in Dan’s hair and pulled hard, which earned him a low grunt. The sound woke up every nerve in Phil’s body, it was gorgeous and Phil wanted to get drunk on it, so he repeated the act with Dan’s every upward movement. In no time he was fucking Dan’s throat and the keen sounds that echoed in the stall were enough of a confirmation that Dan was also immensely enjoying this.

Phil gathered enough strength to demand “Be a good boy and touch yourself for me. You’re so gorgeous when you do that.” For the control freak Dan was, he took commands extremely eagerly, which pleased Phil. Dan’s hand flew to his jeans and he quickly started to stroke himself. Every time Phil praised him _good boy, pretty, just like that,_ he’d speed up his movements. Phil wanted Dan to finish first, so he held off until Dan was cuming on his hand. Even while orgasming Phil couldn’t help but notice how Dan drank him all in, like he’d been waiting for it, begging for it. He’s pretty sure he heard a _thank you_ pass Dan’s lips, but that might have been his mind playing tricks on him. Once they’d sufficiently cooled off, Phil asked the other man to join him for coffee.

“Hopefully it’ll taste as good as you did” Dan answered with a wink. He obviously had no inhibitions.

“How many other guys have you sucked in this cubicle?” Phil asked, while he cleaned himself off.

“Do you really want to know?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Phil wanted to slap himself for the naïve question. He tried not to be disappointed at the answer he received.

*

After that it became constant. For the next couple of months Dan would show up at Phil’s flat 2-3 times a week and he’d give him mind-blowing orgasms. Phil said as much and Dan basked in the praise. He’d have a hard time picking what was more enjoyable- the sex, or the time they spent after that talking. Dan didn’t even stick around for very long, never more than an hour, and he never spent the night. Phil was beyond content with the situation. He was also excellent at seeing just the things he wanted to see, nothing more, so he completely missed the clues that something in his arrangement with Dan was bound to change. That miscalculation was helped too by the fact that to Phil, Dan seemed more than happy with what they had. He didn’t complain, he didn’t want more, or so Phil thought.

Phil had been through hell week, so they were having a slow night- nothing too kinky or demanding, when Dan asked if it’s okay that he stayed over.

“Yeah, I mean… sure, is it too late for you to go home or something?”

“I… yes, that’s it. I would go though, if you…. If you wanted that.”

Phil attributed Dan being so flustered to the post-orgasmic state they were in, so he agreed.

“No, of course you can stay! I don’t have another bed though and I’m not much of a cuddler, so…”

“That’s fine, I’ll manage… only if you give me a t-shirt to sleep in.”

Phil handed him a shirt and half an hour later they were in bed. The first few minutes after they’d said “good night” were awkward, because Phil had his back to Dan, and Dan was shifting quite a bit, obviously not sure what was allowed and what not. Phil felt a hesitant hand being placed on his waist and his whole body became stiff. That was much more intimate than the sex they’d just had and he wasn’t sure if he was comfortable. Dan’s hand felt nice though, his fingers were soft, spread out on Phil’s ribcage. Phil had conflicting feelings and as much as he wanted to be held right now, the thought made him anxious. Suddenly Dan’s hand started caressing his side and he flinched away on instinct. Dan muttered _sorry_ and moved away. Before Phil could begin to overthink this, the fatigue overpowered him and he drifted off. By the time he woke up, Dan had gone.

*

When Jane hear the whole story, she all but laughed at Phil.

“I know you’re not stupid, Phil, so why are you pretending you don’t know what’s happening here?”

Phil remained silent.

“He obviously has feelings for you and wanted to spend more time with you and you acted like you were two 11 year olds at a sleepover. Besides, why did you lie to him?”

“I didn’t lie.”

“Don’t pull this crap on me, you came to me for advice and you’re forgetting I actually know you. I know for a fact that you love cuddling, so why did you lie?”

“He has a boyfriend.” Phil stated matter-of-factly, as if Jane had magically forgotten. “This is just sex. Just sex.”

“Not to him it isn’t. Not anymore at least. Look, I don’t know what he’s planning to do, because he’s obviously in another relationship, but you need to figure out what you want for yourself before things reach an actual tipping point.”

Phil knew Jane was right and he hated her for it. Every time he tried to think about what he wanted, he got anxious and scared, then annoyed at himself for it, and finally tried to convince himself there’s no reason to be scared, before the vicious cycle would repeat itself. It went on like this for two weeks. Dan seemed to drop off the face of the earth. Whether from the sudden lack of sex, or from the emotional strain this situation was putting on him, Phil was constantly tense. In the end that made him realize he did have real feelings for Dan, which was absolutely not what he wanted and made him that much more frustrated.

*

Dan showed up unannounced, but not unexpected.

“Can I come in? We need to talk.” Phil let Dan walk past him and into the living room without saying a word. Phil opted to sit in the armchair, instead of next to the other boy.

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence, Dan spoke.

“I broke up with Thomas about a week ago.”

“Why?”

“Because of you.”

“Dan…” Phil began warningly.

“No, let me speak. I’ve had to gather a lot of courage to come here tonight.”

Phil complied.

“When we first started screwing, it wasn’t more than that. I didn’t even feel guilty that I was cheating on my boyfriend, because I loved him, and I only had fun with you. But then when I got to know you, I realized we have a lot in common and I fell for you. It came to a point when I was enjoying your company more than his and he started to notice. It wasn’t fair to anyone anymore, so I broke it off. Because I want to have a relationship with you. A real one. The whole package.”

“That’s not a good idea, Dan.”

“Why? I swear, I’m trustworthy, I’ll never cheat on you, I only did that to Thomas, because…”

“Dan, stop. You’re waffling. I’m sure you’re great, but I… don’t want that… from you. Just sex. Sorry if I let you think otherwise.”

“Oh. Right. I probably read too much into it. But I mean… you cooked me dinner so many times and when we talked you were genuinely interested in me and that one time you let me spend the night…”

Phil’s stomach was in knots. Why was he denying Dan? Why was he lying to him _again?_ It didn’t feel right, he wanted to hug Dan and kiss him and tell him how beautiful and funny and intelligent he was and that he was good enough. Fear paralyzed him however, he didn’t want to get hurt and be vulnerable and what if Dan hurt him, what if he took advantage of him?

“I was just being nice, Dan. I’m sure you could still patch things up with Thomas.”

Dan didn’t scream at Phil, he didn’t cry, though if Phil was on his place he would have done exactly that. Instead, he looked Phil dead in the eye and calmly stated: “I don’t want Thomas. I want you.”

Phil didn’t dare speak again in the face of a man who had ten times more courage than he himself did. He let him go.

_To: Jane_

_Jane, I fucked up._

_From: Jane_

_What did u do?_

_To: Jane_

_Don’t be mad at me pls._

_From: Jane_

_I’m calling u, u better pick up._

_Incoming call: Jane_

Phil told her everything that had happened. He felt like a damn teenager, crying over a boy on the phone.

“You can’t keep pushing people away like that, Philly. One relationship that went south fast doesn’t mean anything.”

“Two.”

“Sarah doesn’t count.”

“Right.”

“From what you’ve told me Dan’s a really nice guy, a weird one, but you’re weird too, so that’s okay. He makes you feel good, you never run out of topics to discuss, AND he’s sexy.”

“Also he cheated on his boyfriend.”

“True, but it sounds like he wanted to explain himself and you didn’t let him.”

“What’s there to explain? He lied to his boyfriend, he betrayed his trust.”

“You didn’t even give him a chance, Phil. People are not one dimensional like you seem to think. That he cheated doesn’t automatically mean he’s an all-round bad person. You’re judging him very harshly. I know your history and I get why you’re scared. And sure, when you let yourself be vulnerable in front of someone, that’s the only way they can hurt you, but it’s also the only way they can love you. He was brave enough to confess his attraction to you, and you ran as quickly as you could. We both know you’re better than that. We both know how much love you have to give. I’m not saying he’s the one, by all means don’t dive head first into it, but nothing’s going to fall from the sky if you don’t work for it, yeah?”

“Yeah. Thanks, mum.”

“Don’t be the dick that Peter was to you and promise to try?”

“I won’t. I’ll never be like him. I promise to try. “

“Okay. I’m here for you, you know that, right?”

“I know. Thank you.”

“Anytime. Get some sleep now, yeah? And take a pill for that headache, don’t punish yourself.”

“How did you know I had a headache?”

“I’m your best friend, silly.” Jane laughed and ended the call.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the last part! It's a bit shorter than all the others, but I didn't feel like dragging it out. Also it's cheesy af, don't judge me.

Phil was not surprised when Dan didn’t answer his pleading message on Facebook, so he’d written another one- a clear invitation.

_Hey. I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, but please. I want to make this right. Come meet me at 7 today in the park near my place, by the fountain._

Phil brought a bunch of flowers with him. A quick google search had told him that white tulips convey a message of apology, so that’s what he went for. He wasn’t even sure Dan was going to show up and as it neared 8 it was clear that he wasn’t. After another 20 minutes Phil headed home, throwing the bouquet in a bin. The initial shock of disappointment wore off and Phil shot Dan another message.

_You didn’t show up tonight. That’s okay. I’m going to be there every night at 7 until you do. I’m really sorry, Dan._

By the fourth night, Phil had been spending less and less time at the fountain. Tonight he decided 20 minutes would be enough. He knew he’d earned this rejection from Dan and he was suffering in silence on a bench, when Dan’s voice came from behind him.

“If you’ve been bringing the same bunch of flowers four days in a row then damn, I want to know what you’re feeding them!”

“No. These are generation four. Should have seen the florist’s face today.”

“Was it pity?”

“Yep, he gave me a discount, said that no one deserved to buy apology flowers so many days in a row.”

“You were a dickhead, Phil.”

“I know.”

“You said things you didn’t mean, I could tell.”

“I did.”

“Why?”

Phil felt as if the wind had been punched out of him, he didn’t know where to start.

“It’s been more than a week and you’re telling me you don’t have your speech prepared? You disappoint me, Phil.” Dan said in faux- shock, but he had a little smile on.

“Figured I’d keep it organic, you know, whatever comes in the moment, that way you’d know I mean it. How’s about we go back to my place?”

“Nah, I like it here. Besides, neutral territory and all that.”

“Here goes then…” Talking to Dan was about as far as Phil’s determination took him. Looking him in the eye would require an almost inhuman strength, so he opted to stare at his hands. “I lied to you about some things. The first one being that I don’t like cuddles, because I do, and if I get to be little spoon, that’s an added bonus.”

“But you moved away when I tried to hug you.” Dan remarked.

“I did and honestly, I don’t know why. You felt warm and too nice. I thought “I could get used to this” and that thought scared the shit out of me. Because you weren’t mine to get used to.”

“Then I said I wanted to _be_ yours and you answered that you didn’t see me that way.”

“That was the second lie.”

“Phil, you’re not making any sense.”

“I’m getting there, okay? God, you’re probably expecting some sad and epic story…”

“I’m just expecting _your_ story, Phil, whatever it is.”

“The thing is… I’m weird when it comes to relationships. I’m always so… emotionally involved and the couple serious partners that I’ve had have been so intimidated by it, that they’ve rejected me. It always goes the same way, you know? They’d always start by saying “You’re a good person, Phil, but…” and then they’d break up with me. What does that even men, “a good person”? If I’m that “good” or whatever, they wouldn’t have wanted to leave me. That probably made no sense, I’m not trying to throw myself a pity party. Bottom line, I’m scared of being rejected again, because it sucks major balls, and you obviously have commitment issues…”

“I don’t have commitment issues.” Dan interrupted.

“Clearly you do, clearly one guy wasn’t good enough for you, because you went and cheated on him and still stayed in the relationship.”

“See, you don’t know as much about me as you think you do, Phil. Maybe you’d let me talk after you’ve stopped assuming what my issues are or that I’m just the same as all your exes.”

“You’re right, you’re completely right, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to handle this.”

Dan probably thought that Phil will get up and leave, run away again, but he didn’t move a muscle and silence fell between them.

“I don’t have commitment issues. I have issues with being alone.” Dan obviously knew exactly what he wanted to say, unlike Phil, because he barely wasted a breath before continuing. “When I met you, I’d been going out with Thomas for about a year and it wasn’t working anymore. He’s sweet and intelligent, but we’re in very different stages in our lives. I knew we had to end it soon, but I was so scared of not having anyone that I just put up with it, kept telling myself that it’s not so bad. Then I met you and thought “why don’t I just have a bit of fun and if something comes out of it, fair enough”. I already had feelings for you by the third time we fucked.”

“Dan… why didn’t you say something?”

“You saw what happened when I did. And Thomas was… safe, you know? He was there, he was comfortable. You were scary.”

“You were scary too.”

“We’re idiots, Phil.”

“We are.”

Phil took Dan’s hand in his. “So are we giving this a shot then?”

“Neither of us are sure, so that’s a recipe for success, isn’t it?” Dan laughed nervously.

Phil leaned in and kissed him. Dan’s lips were freezing.

“Stay with me tonight.” Phil asked.

Dan shook his head. “I’m not that easy, Lester. You have to take me on a date first.”

“I will! And I’ll impress you with my dating skills!”

“Can’t wait” Dan said under his breath and if their foreheads weren’t touching, Phil might not have heard him. “Wanna walk me home?”

“Sure. I haven’t been to your place yet.”

“It’s going to be a good practice run then for when you come and pick me up for our date next week.” Dan said cheekily and finally lifted himself off the bench.

In the middle of January the weather is never forgiving. Though Phil was buzzing with excitement and nerves, it wasn’t enough to distract him from the cold and he was still positively freezing. That would have been his excuse for why he slipped his hand next to Dan’s in his coat pocket, had Dan asked for one. He didn’t. He gave a firm squeeze to Phil’s fingers and walked on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> Stop by in the comments and hit the kudos if you enjoyed this. Also, read my other fics here (since I don't have a tumblr).  
> Writing phanfics is my coping mechanism, so even if they're not good or original, I'll keep posting them. Nevertheless, if you like my writing, I accept prompts (:


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